You wanna know more, more, more about me?

It's tough to face things about yourself that you don't like dealing with. To have your own mother tell you you're selfish when it comes to your family is hard. To realize she's right is even harder. To try to fix it will be the hardest. I'm going to work on it.

So, first off, it's Halloween, my second favorite holiday. I get to dress up at work tonight and I'm really excited. Next comes my favorite season of all, THE CHRISTMAS SEASON! Good times are ahead.

A friend of mine posted this on myspace. I found it to be rather insightful and it made me think. It's from John Mayer's blog:

"CHANGE

I've been thinking about something lately.

Imagine this:

You're on an airplane, sleeping with your head against the window, your heart set on being home this time three hours from now. All of a sudden, something goes very wrong. The plane stops moving across the air and instead starts falling through it. The lights are flickering and the movie is skipping. The plane dips hundreds of feet in seconds, and the yellow cups fall from the ceiling. They're a brighter shade of yellow than you remember, because unlike the demonstration, these cups have never been handled before. "Flight attendants take your seats now", you hear, the pilot's voice trembling over a cacophony of alert tones. You get that smell in the bridge of your nose like you've just been hit with a football. That's what the fear smells like. The plane is going down.

Four more drastic drops in under a minute. People are crying. For all the folklore about how your life flashes before your eyes, you're remarkably fixed on one vision - your parents. They're sleeping at this very moment, in a bedroom so quiet they can hear the clock in the kitchen. And you can see them, clear as can be. You wish you could see a playground or a first kiss, but all you can see is your parents sleeping. Huh. Well, that's that.

Several long minutes go by. Then, all at once, the lights come back on and the plane somehow rights itself. Some people cheer, but most people cry harder. The plane lands about an hour later, and as soon as you feel that touch down - hell, even when you were within 50 feet of the ground and could still technically survive a fall - you realize that however you brokered the deal between you and God worked; you've just been granted life in overtime.

Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?


Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?"



You know what it makes me think about? It makes me think about my skinny clothes. I know I'm not the only person with skinny clothes. They're clothes in your closet that you used to fit into two sizes ago. Do you know when I'm going to fit into my skinny clothes again? No? Neither do I, maybe I never will, but I find myself thinking, oh I'll wait to do this or that when I can fit into those jeans or look good in that bikini again. Who cares??? Live your life right now. You can't wait until everything in your life is right to do something, because life will never be perfect. Life is unpredictable, full of surprises, and I'm along for the ride. I want it to be a great one full of things that I may regret, things I'll never forget, and things that I'll cherish forever.

So, I haven't posted an entry in a while. This could be a little long.

Friday night I went up to the UCF area to costume shop and have an early dinner with my friend Erin. We had some delicious Red Lobster, then we went on the hunt. It was a madhouse in there people. Since I was to be attending a Halloween party the next day that I hadn't previously planned on, I had to find something quick and simple. After a couple hours I found the perfect costume at the perfect price!

Then I headed over to the Improv to meet my friend Jason and watch Paul Mooney from the Dave Chapelle Show. I had a few drinks, and the show was really funny. On the way back to the cars, I realized I needed to do some sobering up before I drove home, so Jason and I hung out in his car for a couple hours. After a while I ventured over to my car only to find out that I had locked my keys in it. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a first for me. Luckily Jason is the greatest and had some sort of special coverage through his credit card for things like this. He called up a locksmith and let me sleep in his car while we waited. I didn't leave Orlando till 5:30 AM. I was so exhausted.

Saturday I had to work at 3:15 and then I had a Halloween party to attend! The party was awesome. They had a moonwalk which I did flips in, and paid for it the next day. My neck and back are still sore. Anyway, I won the costume contest and took home a bottle of Jager. Good times. Now pictures.



Little red riding hood attacked by the big bad wolf!



my friend Brandi as some sort of vampire fairy thing






Sonia, the party host, was the Queen of Hearts



Brandi and Jason



Getting more intoxicated here



Jason and I



haha intoxication is reaching a high level



Kristina and I




Kristina the cosmo



me, Stevie (Alice in Wonderland), and Sonia



The last, and by far most intoxicated picture of the evening, Vanessa, Jason, and I

That's all for today folks. A mostly fun weekend with a little shittiness thrown in for good measure :)

So last night at work, I was feeling rather down, and I happened to glance over at this table I was walking by. There was a little girl there who was maybe three years old. She had blonde curly hair and these huge blue eyes and a little gingham red dress, and she smiled the biggest, most genuine smile at me. I will tell you right now, that there is nothing that can warm your heart like a child's smile. I was instantly cheered up every time I passed by that table for the rest of the time she and her family were there. It made me miss working with kids. When I was teaching daycare, I could always count on my kids to cheer me up. I can't wait for the day that the time is right and I can finally be a mommy. I know I'm going to be such an awesome mom.
You know what I miss about being a kid? Resiliency. As a child, you bounce back from everything so quickly. Imagine that you are five years old. So, your mom give you a bad punishment. You'll probably cry about it for a little while, but later that day you'll probably be outside playing your little heart out like it never happened. So, your best friend in your class moves away. You're sad for a day, and you probably miss them, but chances are you'll have a new best friend in no time. You probably don't even grasp the fact that you'll most likely never see your old friend again. So, your pet dies. You'll probably shed a tear or two, but before long you'll probably have forgotten about it. Don't you ever wish you could retain this trait into adulthood? Wouldn't it feel nice to feel a little bit of sadness for the things that you should, and then move on immediately?

I will never take Friday the 13th lightly again.

I can't get motivated this morning. I should already be in the shower, and halfway ready. Today is going to be so much fun. I'm going to see John Mayer and Sheryl Crow! I'm going to do a lot of drinking and being crazy! YES! Thank God for my friends, who cheer me up, because I need it. :) Today is going to rock no matter what!

Today is my sister's birthday. I have to close the restaurant tonight which sucks, but I did get to spend yesterday and most of today with her.

Yesterday, we went over to the house of a friend of my sister's boyfriend. We watched the Gator game. It's kinda nice to be semi-following a team that is really good. My heart will always belong to the Gamecocks, though. Anyways, after that awesome game, we went for a boat ride. We came back and cooked hamburgers. Then, I watched part of the South Carolina/Kentucky game. Gamecocks won and that was great. My sister and I decided to leave because we couldn't stand to listen to Eric's friend mentally abuse his girlfriend anymore. It was literally like nothing I've ever heard. She couldn't do anything right. Every five seconds he was calling her an idiot, or dumb or incompetent. He told her at one point that he was only with her because her family had money. I started to be personally offended and told the guy to just lay off. He insisted that that was just how they joke around with eachother. I could tell that the girl was just brainwashed and beaten down. It's not my issue, but I couldn't stand to be around it. I will never ever let someone treat me that way.

Me, Sam, Eric, and my mom went to church this morning. We tried a new one out. It was a little too much for all of us I think. I'm definitely a lot different from my mom and sister though. I don't like a church where you just sit there and it's completely boring. I like something upbeat. I like an openminded church. I just don't get into the whole pentacostal movement. Hopefully one day I'll find a church that's a nice compromise between traditional and modern.

I turned on the TV when I started this entry, and I've been watching an MTV True Life episode on crystal meth addiction. I just can't imagine being so wrapped up in something so detrimental. Thank God I never got into drugs. My best friend used to be on meth, and I also thank God that she got off of it before it ruined her life.

Have to go to work now. Hopefully it will go by fast.

So, what a fantastic weekend! My 6th and 7th shifts in a row at work on Friday and Saturday didn't make me want to kill myself like I thought they would. To the contrary, Friday night was easy as pie, Saturday a little harder, but I made good money on both shifts. I even got to work in some football during the slower parts of the night.

So then there was Sunday. It was just about the most perfect day I could have asked for. I finally got to see Derek again. We had such a great night. Saw School for Scoundrels. It was hilarious. I highly recommend it. Derek got me the new John Mayer cd!! It is <3. I played some Guitar Hero and I was awesome and shitty simultaneously. Good times. I miss him already.

This morning as I was driving home, I once again realized my hatred for the 408, specifically the 408 during rush hour. It's backed up for miles. Once you get to the .75 cent toll it's a complete clusterfuck. Everyone changes lanes however they want, and the thing is there are really no lanes once you're approaching the toll booth. Ughh I hate traffic. I also have filthy-mouthed road rage!

Finally decided what to get my sister for her birthday. Hopefully I'll actually have the night off so we can hang out...

So, I got my hair done today. Finally got it back to the dark again. I had it like this in June, and it lightened up so quickly. It's a little darker this time. My mom says it's too dark and it'll look better when it lightens up. I think really she just doesn't like seeing anything drastic on any of us. I love it.



Every time I'm at the salon, I realize how crappy my flat iron is. I used a Paul Mitchell iron today and it took me all of 10 minutes to straighten my hair. It takes me about 20 with mine. I WANT A BETTER FLAT IRON. Problem is, all the ones I want are like $100. Oh well, one day.


Tonight at work, this girl had a table that was still sitting around past closing time. She went to check on them and the girl at the table proceeds to tell her that they will be a while as they are there discussing whether she and the guy at the table should get back together. She then shares that he cheated on her. So my friend walks away for a while. She goes back to check on them again, and the girl starts telling her how he had cheated on her TWO TIMES. At that point, the guy is like um I need another drink. He was informed that the bar was closed. They left shortly after.
Ok, so my question is, for one, what posesses someone to share those kinds of personal details with someone they don't even know? That's insane. Second question is, why in the world would you go to a restaurant to discuss something so personal? I've found this to be a rather common thing. I've waited on several couples in my 5 year on/off serving career that came out to eat simply to argue about something. It almost always ends with one of them storming off and leaving the other to pay the bill. If I ever have personal issues to discuss with a significant other, I certainly will never be taking them somewhere that would force other people to deal with it.

I also had a table of married dudes that flirted with me, and actually said some things that I'd consider to be inappropriate. I didn't say much and just joked back with them, as I, of course, was looking for the tip. I got a good tip out of it, so fine. When I get married, if my husband ever talks to some stranger like that, I'll be highly pissed.

T-2 working days until my first day off in seven days. Thank God. I am sooo looking forward to Sunday :)

Maybe I'm behind the times, but I saw this for the first time today.

So I was told that I should get a live journal.

So here I am having a live journal.

It made me recall a xanga that I had over two years ago, and I was curious as to whether it was still around though I hadn't posted in it in years. I went and looked. There it was. That particular journal somewhat documented a really tough time in my life. It started about 3 months before the move to Florida and ended about four months after I got here. Anyway it's strange to read about your hopes for what will be way after it's already been. Honestly, I don't think things could have turned out better since then. In fact, I dare say that things in general have turned out much better than I even hoped, and I'm a pretty optimistic individual. So, that's saying something.

So, I've been working a lot lately. I really, really love my job though. I don't think I've ever had a job that I actually liked this much. I have fun at work! What a concept. Or maybe I just have nothing better to do.

My car died a couple days ago. It just about made me die inside. I've had the car for three years and it's really never given me any trouble, so I was just shocked I guess. I had to leave it in a parking lot, and get my sister to come pick me up in the next town over at midnight. So I decide what the heck, my warranty covers towing, so I have it towed to the dealership the next day. It struck me oddly that as they were pulling my car onto the truck, I felt sadness. I always make fun of my little POS car, but I think I may actually be slightly attached to it. It's been through a lot with me after all. So today I find out it was just a battery and $120 bucks later, I have my car back. Yay?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I sure hope so, because I'm finding this whole no contact thing to be extremely hard. I suppose it only serves to make me miss you more, but I have to say that feeling out of control is a foreign thing to me. I don't love it, but surprisingly enough, I don't hate it as passionately as I might have thought. Yeah I really miss you, and our conversations.